“Good Vibes Only”
How to stay positive in a pandemic
Whenever I am on my period, I get this almost uncontrollable craving for desserts. I called up my friend the other day and told her I wanted ice-cream.
We went out. I had a scoop and so did she. She was concerned that I might not feel better even after that, given my hormones. So, she started trying to shove ice-cream into my face. She thought if I ate more ice-cream I’d feel good.
I didn’t feel good.
The last one year has been horrible for most of us. Taking care of friends and family infected of Covid, leaving everything and coming back home, seeing news every day and letting mental health go for a toss may only be some of the many things that went wrong for us.
Since the last few weeks, we’re trying to help people find medical resources, donating to keep the humanitarian systems somehow functioning, or maybe trying to keep the self sane and not going down the spiral of anxiety and depression.
In the pursuit of finding solace on Instagram through mindless scrolling, I came across several accounts — some I personally knew, others claimed they were some influencers. They were trying to give me some ‘good vibes’, it seems.
Positivity and good, positive vibes have taken quite some of my time on Instagram. And while staying positive and calm in a time of crisis may be a skill and a characteristic of growth mindset, going overboard might not help you as much. Looking at the good and positive side of everything is part of a larger problem of toxic positivity.
https://www.instagram.com/p/COSo_cHpS7t/
Basically, if you think whatever someone’s emotional and physical state they should only look at the positive side of it, then you’re toxic. Avoiding ‘negative’ emotions is a negative mindset.
“Toxic positivity can take many forms: It can be a family member who chastises you for expressing frustration instead of listening to why you’re upset. It can be a comment to “look on the bright side” or “be grateful for what you have.””
- Healthline
Or my pet peeve phrase — it’s all in your head!
In this pandemic, especially the last few weeks have been excruciating for many. Sure, you can choose to look the other way, but it won’t change the reality. While I try here to deal with anxiety, fear, fatigue, and frustration, the only thing that your ‘stay positive’ is doing to me is wanting to throw a brick at you and scream into a pillow.
What it is also doing to me is telling me to judge my negative emotions of fear and anxiety. These feelings are absolutely normal but if I am to look at them as unwanted, they would trigger secondary emotions of guilt and shame in me.
All in all, ‘positive vibes’ not only made me invalidate my most natural emotions but also triggered shame and guilt that I should not be feeling in the first place. Thus, defeating the entire purpose of ‘positive vibe’ creation.
This analogy might help though, considering it is coming from a therapist.
Suppose you play piano. The song you want to play requires a set of keys. Every tune is different, every tune needs its own set of keys to generate the music.
But you do need all keys or else what good is the piano, right?
By overdoing positive affirmations, we may be invalidating our or others’ feelings and harming them when they are already in a vulnerable state.
The best way to deal with negative emotions is to let yourself feel the emotions you’re feeling and let them pass, not push them under the rug.
- Harvard Business Review
So, to all the people who are brave to look the other way and focus on ‘only’ positivity, please don’t. But if you really want to, please don’t ask others to look at the positive side or how so many people have it worse than them. We have every reason to feel whatever we feel.
Invalidating feelings like fear, fatigue, and anxiety will only make me distant from my own self. Unaware of my own feelings. And self-love cannot happen without self-awareness.
So maybe don’t shove too much ice-cream into my face na?
